New Start

Okay, we're going to try this AGAIN. Hopefully, I can get some consistency with this blogging thing. I'm turning over a NEW LEAF!!! I have spent the last few months trying to decide what I want this blog to be about. SO---if you have any suggestions, please let me know!

I have started working on some fun pieces of furniture, so here are a few glimpses of recent projects. These have kept me pretty busy lately.

Deep Thoughts Thursday

The night we discovered Annalee was a girl (and not the boy that we just knew she was), I couldn't sleep. I stayed awake for hours worrying about the promising threat of:

Slumber party feuds
Stupid boys sure to break her heart
Designer jeans (if she loves them the way I do, our bank account is doomed)
Temper Tantrums
Snobby girls (or what we would do if we found out she had become one)
Her first date
School Dances
When she would get her first cell phone
Mood Swings
Trashy TV
When I would allow her to shave her legs


But mostly, I couldn't stop thinking about the world we were bringing her into: a cesspool of pressure to look perfectly airbrushed and molded into what the millions of voices around her scream is beauty. Basically, this clip sums it up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei6JvK0W60I

The first time I saw this, I wept, thinking of the thousands of deceitful arrows that would be aimed at her direction in her formative years. As appealing as hiding her under a rock until she is 35 sounds, we know that instilling truth into her sweet soul is the greatest gift we can give. The ability to love yourself...to really be content and at peace with the creation you are is such a hard place to arrive. I daily find myself constantly striving to "improve".

For women, this list can be extensive:

lose the 5 pounds, nail the "smokey eye", update the wardrobe, perfect the perfect poof, perfect the perfect "just walked out of the ocean" waves, make yourself look "effortless" (lots of time goes into this one), sport the riding boots, platform heels, suede booties, embellished flats...just to name a few, transform our home into Pottery Barn, have perfect nails, get rid of cellulite, figure out how to fight gravity (and lift that butt just a few inches), and cook like The Pioneer Woman (in a kitchen that never gets messy)

Honestly, we wouldn't be satisfied unless we were a combination of Martha Stewart, Gisele Bundchen, and Beth Moore.

(all this said, there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself...I think it boils down to if you are doing so to bring yourself glory rather than the Lord that created you to glorify Himself...but that's another post)

I am beginning to deal with the realization that, at least in the beginning, Annalee will look to her mother as an example of what it means to really embrace who she is. Oh crap. That's me. She is looking to me. (enter panic attack)

I wish I had it down. I wish I had it figured out. I wish I really was at peace with myself on a daily basis. I read a challenge on http://www.textureddallas.com/ today. Bekah asked her readers to post something they really loved about themselves. This is harder than it sounds. Mulling it over in my head, I realize we live in a world that is so narcissistic. I am obsessed with myself, and yet, I despise who I am and desperately strive to be someone else. Today I have been thinking about the things about me that I DO love, the things that I hope Annalee takes from me. For now, I will share my Top 3:

1.) I really like my eyes. Are there things that I would change about them? Sure. (longer, curlier eyelashes, a different shape,...Oh, hear I go again) BUT I have been told a number of times that they are expressive and alive. I love that my emotions can be read through my eyes. This sounds weird, but when I feel a strong emotion, I can literally feel them physically change. (Ew, I hope that doesn't sound weird or gross for those of you with an eyeball phobia). I love that my husband loves them. I love that at the doctor's office, when we saw the sonogram of our baby girl, the first thing he said was "I hope she has your eyes."
2.) I love my persistence. When I was about 8, I was just dying for a new bike. My mom told me I just needed to be persistent about getting one. I went to my dictionary, and looked up the definition. I think she probably meant that I needed to keep faithfully saving my money for one. I, however, had a different interpretation. I decided to leave hundreds of tiny notes throughout the house...anywhere that I thought my parents would see: in their shower, in their shoes, in the coffee can, on the toilet, etc. that had the words scribbled, "I want a new bike". Definitely not what they had in mind, but it worked, and I got the best splatter paint bike on the block.
To this day, if I set my sights on something I want, I'll usually find a way to get it, create it, or find it. Some may call it OCD, but nope, it's true grit. Persistence.
3.) I love my passion. The emotions I feel, I feel deeply. It may be for a person, a television show, or (most of the time) a food/restaurant, but if I love it, you will know it. I can rarely think or talk about anything other than what is my current love. It can cause great pain and bring great joy...but my passion really makes me feel abundantly alive.
If Annalee can walk through life being really passionate about the things her little heart loves, she will live a life that is full and joyful. I wish nothing more for her than to allow herself to deeply out of her heart.

"...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full..." John 10:10

That's all for now. Start working on your own list.

Day One.

When Josh and I recovered from the shock of finding out we were pregnant, there were a few promises I made myself:

1.) I would not begin to wear "mom jeans" for at least 25 years.
2.) That said, I would not try to dress like my child or her friends when I hit the mid-life crisis.
3.) I would not hold onto and/or caress my pregnant belly in public.
4.) I would NEVER EVER EVER start a blog.

So far, I have not crossed into the zones of promises 1 and 2. Promise 3 just happened...I'll admit, at the beginning, I did it on purpose, as I wanted people to know I was pregnant and was not sporting more muffin top than necessary for this frame. At the end, though, it just came natural. Maybe it's maternal instinct or maybe it's just because you've seen every other pregnant woman do it and it's somehow ingrained in your being, but you can't help but rub on that huge belly of yours...even for a few weeks after the baby has arrived.
Most importantly, though, I have given into the blogging world. It seemed so cliche to do one, as it's what most new moms do...allow the world a glimpse into this new wonderful life of theirs. I have been adamantly against it, though my pregnancy brought about plenty of suggestions from others to do one. Because our pregnancy was so unexpected, and I was so unprepared for the thought of becoming a mother, everything within me has tried to fight really "being" a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, I love our new little bundle (Annalee Kate, 6 months old), and am so blessed to stay at home and witness each "first" she accomplishes, I still find myself fighting the feeling that "this is not my life!"
Do you ever find yourself feeling like you are watching someone else's life, only to realize it's your own? That was me when I found out we were pregnant, when I held her for the first time, and when I attended my first baby play date.
That said, a few days ago, as Josh pulled into the driveway from work, I stood at the front window with Annalee in my arms, as we always try to do, to greet him. Standing outside the door in the freezing air, he breathed hard on the window, creating a fog, and drew a smiley face for Annalee to see. She watched every move he made, as she always does, and carefully studied the image that appeared, resulting in a big toothless grin for her daddy. Today, I was cleaning windows, and found myself staring at the smudge prints of the smiling face that remained. I still haven't been able to bring myself to wipe it away. As I stood there, studying that face from days ago, I was reminded of that exchange between the three of us. No words were spoken, no stories or jokes shared, but in that moment, I was overwhelmed by the blessing of family and the pure joy that is new to us every morning.
I'm not sure how many of those moments have come and passed, and I have had no tangible reminder of them. I always say I will write them down, but I never do, and too quickly forget those moments of pure bliss.
So, I am breaking Promise Four. Here's to being a typical mom...and truly embracing it.