Day One.

When Josh and I recovered from the shock of finding out we were pregnant, there were a few promises I made myself:

1.) I would not begin to wear "mom jeans" for at least 25 years.
2.) That said, I would not try to dress like my child or her friends when I hit the mid-life crisis.
3.) I would not hold onto and/or caress my pregnant belly in public.
4.) I would NEVER EVER EVER start a blog.

So far, I have not crossed into the zones of promises 1 and 2. Promise 3 just happened...I'll admit, at the beginning, I did it on purpose, as I wanted people to know I was pregnant and was not sporting more muffin top than necessary for this frame. At the end, though, it just came natural. Maybe it's maternal instinct or maybe it's just because you've seen every other pregnant woman do it and it's somehow ingrained in your being, but you can't help but rub on that huge belly of yours...even for a few weeks after the baby has arrived.
Most importantly, though, I have given into the blogging world. It seemed so cliche to do one, as it's what most new moms do...allow the world a glimpse into this new wonderful life of theirs. I have been adamantly against it, though my pregnancy brought about plenty of suggestions from others to do one. Because our pregnancy was so unexpected, and I was so unprepared for the thought of becoming a mother, everything within me has tried to fight really "being" a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, I love our new little bundle (Annalee Kate, 6 months old), and am so blessed to stay at home and witness each "first" she accomplishes, I still find myself fighting the feeling that "this is not my life!"
Do you ever find yourself feeling like you are watching someone else's life, only to realize it's your own? That was me when I found out we were pregnant, when I held her for the first time, and when I attended my first baby play date.
That said, a few days ago, as Josh pulled into the driveway from work, I stood at the front window with Annalee in my arms, as we always try to do, to greet him. Standing outside the door in the freezing air, he breathed hard on the window, creating a fog, and drew a smiley face for Annalee to see. She watched every move he made, as she always does, and carefully studied the image that appeared, resulting in a big toothless grin for her daddy. Today, I was cleaning windows, and found myself staring at the smudge prints of the smiling face that remained. I still haven't been able to bring myself to wipe it away. As I stood there, studying that face from days ago, I was reminded of that exchange between the three of us. No words were spoken, no stories or jokes shared, but in that moment, I was overwhelmed by the blessing of family and the pure joy that is new to us every morning.
I'm not sure how many of those moments have come and passed, and I have had no tangible reminder of them. I always say I will write them down, but I never do, and too quickly forget those moments of pure bliss.
So, I am breaking Promise Four. Here's to being a typical mom...and truly embracing it.